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Control and other Ilusions

Why is it in life that we’re wanting to stay in control over, well let’s say quite everything.

Control and perfectionism, two little creatures that have been ruling over the biggest part of my life… Yet aware, I still am not in control over them. ;-)

I think that for most of us, “being happy” is what every human soul craves for.

We are in a constant run towards “achieving” and “reaching goals”, suffering to keep up the pace of society. On the way, we just keep fooling ourselves we’ll finally become happy from the moment we’ll achieve those goals and dreams. So we’ll just have to keep those reins in hand???

But meanwhile most of us will keep on missing the point, racing along, not a moment to lose. In every moment in life there are hundreds of reasons to be happy, to experience the overwhelming warmth of joy, yet so many of us seem to miss them.

Hey, I’m guilty as well… It takes practice, so they say… “uhum”

Being “happy” happens now, it’s a state of being… after quite some practice I can really say it does.

Ok back to “control”, as that seems to be the subject I chose to reflect about… (got carried away there).

Now why is it that we are so bloody obsessed by keeping control over every little thing in our lives? Is it a fear based “obsession”? When we start to think about life and our goals and dreams we so successfully want to reach… In all honesty then, is there such thing as control?

Isn’t it just beautiful to just set those goals, take action on making each day, a day to enjoy?… Instead of just being robotically racing forwards with our thoughts on some things that might just happen once??? And already fearing everything that possibly could go wrong.

If the future is unknown, why even bother wasting time on letting our minds be ruled by worries!

And OK, there are things to worry about, but for goodness sake overactive mind of mine shut up… and give me some space to feel satisfied over what in fact already is present… Slightly being dramatic here, to point out the battle most of us go through on a daily base!

Readjusting our mind-set indeed is quite a journey, sprinkled with loads of “trial and error”. But once aware of these processes of self-sabotage, willing to make an improvement, it’ll get easier day by day.

And believe me it’s totally worth the effort, because slightly letting go of control offers so much freedom… Freedom to truly enjoy what’s already here, everywhere around us there are so many simple, yet beautiful things, gestures, moments to feel joyous about.

If we truly dive into the truth, only to be felt within our hearts, we’ll come to discover that there is no such thing as control. Not implicating that you don’t have to take action in life, but just one moment at a time!!

On a emotional level, a level of insights … Everything we need is already present within…

Try to see it as those advent-calendars we had when we were children. Each new day in the 40 days towards Christmas we could open a little door or window and eat that “yummiest” chocolate behind it. Just until it finally became Christmas.

If we could only live our lives like that… knowing that our dreams and goals can become reality one day, some day, just opening one door at a time and feeling happy about even just the littlest thing being present behind the door of that day… How much easier our lives could become!!!

From the moment you experience this, your mind will try to tell you different, because that’s how we are programmed to fit in the well-oiled machine that’s called society… Don’t try to fight it, just reply “hey you silly one up there, I hear you, but let’s cut a deal and see where it goes…”. Try to stay in your heart-felt truth and be present and aware of everything. You’ll be surprised about how many details you were missing out on before!

Whenever in life we experience obstacles, big or small, we’ll soon start to think we’re doing something wrong. In response, we’ll often panic and “boom” get stuck.

Then ask yourself the question is it really such a big mistake I made? YES YOU…

Don’t get stuck in the “why me?”, “why now?”, “what if I had…?”,… And all those useless things, popping up in our minds! But take a moment to sit back and see a bigger picture, a different perspective and then ask: “How did this happen?”, “What lead me towards this point?”, “What is it telling about me/my behaviour?”…

And OK … Now how am I going to solve this constructively, and act differently so I don’t get stuck here again? Is there something I can do about it right now???

If such a situation is hurting, if you’re in pain, making an effort to get out seems impossible…

Try to remember when we were young and our bodies were in the process of growing… That, sometimes was quite painful as well… So whenever your emotions are hurting so much, like there isn’t an end to it… Try to look at it as something positive, you’re growing, overcoming obstacles. That should give you some extra energy to walk the extra mile… Because growth is something to be happy about, to take pride in yourself… you’re becoming an upgrade of your old self!!! Whooohooo,… excuse me I tend to say a lot of “whoohoo” these days.

Little by little, step by step, day by day I’m becoming better in the whole “letting go” subject… Elsa singing in my mind all the time… but yes… still the distance to go.

And then there’s that other illusion, “balance”,… Well up ‘till now, for me, it’s still an illusion.

Whenever, after having overcome yet another step in life, and I boldly start to think… “Hooray, finally I am balanced!”. Well guess again, … another setback (at least what I think is a setback) or another blocked insight or emotion will arise … But I’ve gotten better in seeing the adventurous beauty of the “game” that’s called life! (woohoo my own, personal version of “Game of Thrones”…) But I like to think in mine “summer is coming”, not “winter”… I’m so sorry John Snow, you know nothing!)

We’re quite the complex kind of monkeys, aren’t we?

I always find comfort in believing that everything happens for a reason, sadly with some things, even for me it takes years to discover the true reason within… But became a better “profiler” on that aspect as well!!! Woohooow this “monkey” is evolving.

I think many of you can agree with me on the fact of things once seemingly so important and so heavy to bear, after a certain time it won’t seem such a big deal anymore.

It all seems quite simple, while writing down, I admit … but bloody hell the walls I’ve already hit in the past. (when winter was present!) And probably there will come quite some more to crash into in the future.

But you know? I’m happy I didn’t avoid them!!!

I realised not so long ago, nothing is as important as it at some point might have seemed,… Because as long as you have yourself, you’ll have all you need… everything that’s added, is just an amazing “plus”!

The moment we become aware of being a soul/a being inside our body that’s just a vessel we have to take good care of! A vessel to carry us on this journey called life, being part of a bigger whole,…

Humanity, nature, our beautiful planet… we all affect them… But we’re living in this so called world of duality, which for itself already quite confusing.

And in this form of society where advertising, media, our surroundings are constantly telling us the need to pursue material stuff and even obligating us to do so in order to keep being to be a part of it… in order to achieve happiness…

It’s confusing us to the extent, because on the one hand we are shown without a break that we need all of that to be happy, when on the other hand our hearts are trying to make clear the things we truly need and are keeping ourselves from! When chasing happiness and keep on looking for that next best thing, we’re missing out on those beautiful things already present.

I’m guilty of sometimes thinking, how nice it would be to go and live in a cabin in the woods, surrounded by some good friends and awesome horses… (I just can’t become a spinster with 100 cats… as I am more of a dog and horse person… ) But then I realise I won’t be able to make an effort in turning things around for the better in my own little world in that way!

For me it seems, the real exercise is to keep participating, without forgetting about who and what we truly are and need!!! And trying to do the best we can to improve life on our own little scale.

Keeping the faith that whatever we’ll have to face, we’ll manage. Like we so often already did! And that everything already is as it should be! As long as we remain honest, respectful, loving and true to who we really are … That’s already quite the exercise in keeping the balance!!

Ow yes “control”, off I went again…

As long as we try to hold on to the illusion of control, we’ll just keep fighting ourselves and find life fighting back on us in return!

You’ll never know what tomorrow will bring, just be the most beautiful version of you towards yourself and others … and… relax, take action within your reach and have some faith that everything is ok and will turn out quite awesome!!

Because in the beauty of perfection, lies an enormous amount of chaotically perfect imperfection! As for me, I think I’ll have to re-read this again and again, on let’s say at least a monthly base …

As well as you do, I often get caught up in useless and stubborn acts of battling towards life and it’s situations. Even if I know I shouldn’t…

I think it’s a journey, a process for life… But I’m so happy I already improved this much!

And I’ll keep on enjoying the silly, hungry (for life) monkey that I am.

Sorry, John Snow… but again, I’m done with winter!! :-P

Love,

Cathy

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