A Golden Dystopia

To close a brutally uneventful workweek I embarked on the usual-yet-somehow-always-refreshing late-night session of Garry’s Mod — with my colleague of course.

The flow was as per usual; peaceful conversations spiraling down to the inevitable gunfight. Verbatim. It’s what we do after that appears to be out-of-the-blue.

One of the key features of such large metropolitan maps like Golden City or Southside are the unfurnished spaces you can enter. Albeit, the ubiquity of such areas vary between maps — role play maps tend to be more generous — but it provides ample opportunity for us to become creatives.

And become creatives we did. We split the room in half and turned into drunken interior designers with broken moral compasses.

Well, the main incentive was to create a business-like environment. I had to point that out, just so people don’t think we began with straight insanity. But of course, like all things in the game it eventually spiraled into something unhinged.

The moment my colleague spawned one of his anime waifu’s (or lets be honest, sex slave) a fearful atmosphere generated. To keep things secure, I welded a nuclear missile above my stove. I needed something that’ll wipe our sins within a push of a button if more anime-related things popped up.

Of course the sight of a nuclear warhead triggered my colleague’s insecurity, so he figured a .50 Cal Browning placed atop two stained mattresses should put him on the same level. It didn’t.

Instead tensions skyrocketed and fortified our areas with walls. Waste began to increase and I added the incentive that food was becoming a shortage. So, I shot my assistant and some children. Dinner time.

Eventually making what’s known as a confusing golden dystopia. Since everything was a shortage except for electricity and weapons — we seem to have an abundance of those.

In the end, the session closed with a stray bullet from the stupid Browning that ricocheted into the nuclear missile. Levelling the entire building and preventing any further madness from occurring. See? sometimes nukes really do solve problems. I won’t mention what happened in Japan.

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