The Friendship Manifesto

Today when I read my Akashic Records, I got the message to clean up. “Empty your heart of the trash and explicit propaganda that clutters its halls.” That may seem a little vague to you, but within the context of what I had asked, I knew exactly to what explicit propaganda this referred. In fact, I’ll give you a quick tour!

Firstly, let me direct you over here to this Pinterest board of matching BFF tattoos. Now, here on the opposite wall is a moving poster of two women in silhouette sitting by the ocean and looking at the crashing waves with their arms around each other’s shoulders and a caption that says, “I’m always here for you.” Great, now let’s step a little further down the hall to get a better look at an advertisement that reads: “Woman seeking best friend. I will drop everything the moment you need anything. I am always available to you. I will keep all your secrets. I am authentic, extremely considerate, smart, and will keep you rolling with laughter. I am always ready with a shoulder to cry on or an invitation for a weekend getaway — for whichever the situation calls. I promise to stay in contact as often as needed to keep you feeling secure in our friendship. We will be each other’s best friends, be in each other’s weddings, be godmothers to each other’s children, take vacations together, grow old together, and have fun the entire time. I will have other friends, but they will never be on the same pedestal as you. I will remember every special occasion and gift the most intuitive, meaningful presents. I will always cheer you on, never be jealous of your achievements, and will always support your other relationships.” A phone number is printed on the each of the fringes cut into the bottom-half of the page, to tear-away for easy reference: (281) BF4-LIFE

As for the trash referenced, the Akashic Records continued further on, “Remove the gross collection of ash and rotten friendship remains that poison the air, and commit yourself to purifying your palette of the flavor of drama — that of being victim and alone.” Yikes, no sugar coating on that one!

Over the course of nine months my three main friendships (all of which have years of history and a huge emotional investment) definitively transitioned. What I have left and what I’ve held onto are empty shells of what used to be — carcasses. What came to mind was William…

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